4.14.38

4.14.38

When you take care of someone close to you, who is in & out of the hospital, you know very well that you will hear & repeat their name & birthday over, and over…and over again.

As nurses we ask patients this question countless times a day for ID verification.

My grandmother’s actual birthday was celebrated in March, but when she emigrated to this country, this was the date she was given.

So when I took her for chemo, doctors visits, & the hospital, this was the date repeated, over & over.

There’s been much talk & speculation lately about dying alone, & why we fear it so much.

I guess the unknown is really what strikes the most fear in us, & the idea of someone moving on from the world we know, into the unknown, is such a scary thought for us that we don’t want our loved ones to do it alone.

Yet, this is what’s happening daily.

Nearly 800 times daily in this city alone...

Unfortunately, as social distance has emerged as the top controllable factor in overcoming the spread of this disease, families have been forbidden from seeing their loved ones who have fallen ill.

I think a lot about what my grandma would think of all this, how much fear she would have felt, and, (almost selfishly?) am relieved that she moved on before seeing & experiencing our world like this.

I will never forget the morning she moved on, the call from my mom, the feeling of shock though I should have known, the immediate question of why I ever left.

The fleeting control & panic that I couldn’t take any decisions back.

And then I think about all of these people.

Everyone we know experiencing this now. My & your fellow friends, colleagues, & their families...

Unable to hold their loved ones hands as they fight.

Given no option but a facetime or phone recording.

I may not have been there for the moment my grandmother moved on, but I got a chance to be there for the process, & this I have to remind myself.

For anyone going through this & feeling alone: ask your nurse for contact time. We are busy but will make it happen.

They need you as much as they need us.

And *please* remember: We are there. We are watching over them. They are not alone