How do you define "Hero"?

Before you applaud me and give me credit, know that I didn’t walk in ready to selflessly to give up my freedom & fight this thing.  I wasn’t looking to be a saint.

Truth be told, I wanted to run the other way. 

At times I felt...trapped.

There have been so many emotions in the past couple of weeks:  

Anxiety, fear, anger, helplessness, frustration, hate.  

Pride, determination, hope, love. 

A toggle between acceptance and questioning.

Worry for the elders

and the youth that would ignore it

Anger at the leadership

and pride in the community

Fear for my own life & the people I care about 

and hope from the people who will fight it with me

I had to challenge myself and question why I chose this profession.  Why, when others have the freedom to be home, to be safe, bored, and away from the place of highest risk, illness, and death… why would I put myself in a position where I don’t have that option too?  Why didn’t I choose comfort?

But…I did choose to help people.  In some way I was cut out to know what to do for people who are at the lowest point of their lives.  I did choose to acquire the knowledge and further, to apply the skills I’ve developed in my years of experience, to help save others.

So…as much as I may not have wanted to face it, I quickly knew the answer to my own question: 

That even despite all of this, there’s nothing else I would have done.
(ok..besides the creative stuff)

I can’t imagine a life…where I never went into healthcare & nursing…

Where I’d never experience holding a dying person’s hand as they moved on

Or comforted a child who’s greatest strength showed at their hardest moments with me 

Or told a mother she would see her children again as she woke back up from anesthesia

I did have the freedom to make this choice. 

Swipe through to see conversations from within the frontline, weeks 3 & 4 of covid in NYC.